Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
