I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
