yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
