If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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