So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
