tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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