But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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