$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
