How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
