I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
