i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
