Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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