Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I love you.
Bad choice
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