We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Watching her eat just hurts me
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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