pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
