The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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