went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
