At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
