Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
