Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
