My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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