Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
