I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
