every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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