I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize