you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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