Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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