He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
