now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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