just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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