I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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