it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
