I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
ok first of all what the fuck
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