He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
