I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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