I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
