bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
