you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
