I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
