3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
