Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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