Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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