I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
