Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
