Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sext me about skeletons
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
