I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
