did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
