How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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