Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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