Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
