i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
