You're my little dorito
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
