I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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