I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to make out with him forever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
