I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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