i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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