Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
