I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize