See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
