The maid of honor just puked.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
