Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
