you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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