p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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