So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
