we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
