Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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