Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Barsexuality is the new black.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
