Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
