One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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