worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Less talking, more tequila
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
